“I’m really feeling amazing,” says Melody Shari. The entrepreneur, real estate guru, singer, and reality TV personality known for seven seasons of OWN’s hit series Love & Marriage: Huntsville is all smiles as we chat. She’s just finished an Instagram Live selling her Seventh Avenue Beauty products, and been packing products to ship to customers. She’s got lunch plans shortly and is dressed up for the occasion. That hangout in her packed schedule is one of the reasons Shari, a busy working mom of four, feels as great as she does. It’s a simple way for her to carve out time for herself in the midst of her many responsibilities.
“One of the things that I say often to women, mothers, wives, is to be okay with putting yourself first,” she says. “Be okay doing that because we will literally sacrifice so many things for everybody else. Other people can call us at the drop of a dime and we’ll show up, so show up for you. Because I live that daily, I can truly say that I’m doing amazing.”
A few years ago, if you had asked Shari how she was doing, her outlook may not have been as sunny. For those who follow Love & Marriage: Huntsville, you know that in 2020 she filed for divorce from Martell Holt, her co-star, following his infidelity after 14 years of marriage. And though they’ve been divorced for some time, things have been contentious, as Holt was convicted of domestic violence in the spring for sending threatening communications to Shari. But through therapy, not just for herself but also for their children, and the help of a dedicated tribe, she’s been able to move forward and be in a positive space.
“I have an amazing support system,” she says. “I’ve literally positioned myself in a way where I can say that everyone I have around me and in my inner circle at this stage in my life are all solid.”
And with the right team, the right drive, and keeping her own needs front and center, you can’t stop Melody Shari. We talked to the Alabama native about having the courage to leave her marriage, why it was important to have her children go through therapy after making that decision, and what being a mother has taught her about herself.
ESSENCE: How do you get it all done? Because being an entrepreneur, being on television, doing music, it’s no small feat. As you mentioned, you do put yourself first, but who do you lean on to make that possible?
Melody Shari: So there are two parts to that. The first thing I will say is I do have an amazing team. And it’s so important to have solid people in your life who show up for you when you need them to show up, who pour into you the same way you pour into others, and who help you refill your cup after you’ve filled up others. So I have an amazing, amazing team, family, and close friends who do that regularly for me. And then the other part to that is I do a lot myself as well. Every second of the day counts; every second matters. I’ve been in situations in the past where I was like, man, if I had just gotten up an hour earlier, I could have gotten this other task done, and I didn’t like that feeling. So now what I do is I make sure I get up and I get started early and I do a lot of multitasking, which allows me to do all the stuff I need to do.
How have the opportunities that have opened up for you been a blessing as you stepped out on your own following your divorce?
I think a lot of people have said divorce is like death. And so if you think of divorce being like death, then you have to look for where life is going to come from. And so for me, the life that was breathed into me as I was going through that situation, of course, first came from God, knowing that He was with me every step of the way, maintaining my faith, and not being fearful. So many times, we are fearful of being alone. And I tell people all the time alone does not equal lonely. So, I was not fearful of being alone because I knew God was with me every step of the way. I’ve also been blessed to be able to utilize my gifts to help me through my healing process. So by way of music, I’ve been able to share and express emotions and tell my story, so to speak. And then, because I’m on television, I’ve been able to have this amazing supportive fan base who supports everything I do and who stands in the gap, too, when it comes to prayer. I have an amazing mother who’s constantly praying over me, who’s constantly reminding me even through that divorce, who I am and whose I am. So I’ve been able to find again those pieces that bring life as I’m going through a death.
I heard you say in an interview that therapy has been essential for you and your children. Why was it so important for you to provide your kids with professional support?
I think sometimes when we’re going through stuff, we fail to look at others around us who it affects as well. It would be naive to think that as I’m experiencing hurt and I’m experiencing betrayal and I’m experiencing the pain of a divorce, that my children are not experiencing that as well. So I knew that they might not show it as I do, but still, this is also life-changing for them. I didn’t want, when my children get older, to look back and they’ve got all these issues. I can’t turn back the hands of time. So I didn’t want to be looking back saying, what else could I have done? And so I knew that by way of putting them in therapy, I’m using all that I know to use and doing all that I know that I can do. I’ve been blessed to have the resources to be able to do this. Let me have them in therapy, so I’m not creating traumatized adults.
I love that. You had a unique situation in going through your experience on television. You have therapy, but you’re also a woman of faith. How have those things really fortified you and allowed you to move forward free?
I love the fact that you used the word free because that’s what it was for me. It was freeing. Television was a public outlet and way for me to share with the world what I was going through, the highs and the lows, which ultimately ended up leading to a divorce. But being able to be free in that, you see so many times people are holding onto stuff, and it’s just sitting within, and it’s growing, and it’s growing, and it’s growing, and it’s building. Then you wonder why they all of a sudden have this breakdown. And so for me, the freeing part was being able to selfishly live out loud what I was going through, not caring what anyone thought about it, not caring, who felt, “Oh, you shouldn’t share your business” because, of course, you have those individuals too. But I just lived my truth out loud and put it out there for the world to see, and that was freeing for me.
And how do you pour into yourself?
I mentioned I’m about to go out with one of my friends and have lunch and I have a massage scheduled for later today. So I’ll be getting a massage here in my home. I love to travel, so I travel, and that’s another place of peace for me, too, when I get to travel and go just see other places and experience other cultures. I love being near the water and just finding those different things that bring peace to me, which only pertain to me because sometimes we do things, but it affects everybody. But you got to find those things that you do that are just for you. So when I’m getting a massage, it’s not affecting anybody else but me. So guess what? That’s a self-love thing right there. So yeah, I’m always making sure that I’m pouring into myself, that I’m giving back to myself. I work super hard so I know the importance of also taking care of me so that I can continue to walk in my purpose.
What has motherhood and the things that you’ve overcome taught you about yourself?
Motherhood has taught me that I can love someone more than I love myself. There are a lot of things that I sacrifice, a lot of things that I do because of my children, because of my love for my children. To be honest with you, even getting a divorce, let’s keep it a buck. I have three girls and one son. It matters for the son too, of course, but having girls, your daughters are watching you, they’re paying attention. I didn’t want my children to feel like this was what love was supposed to look like. I didn’t want them to think that, oh, this is what marriage is supposed to look like. So, instead, what they got is, wow, my mother has shown me what strength looks like. My mother has shown me how she walked away from my dad with four children and started over, and look where she is now. So as they mature, they get older, they choose to get married, they’re going to know, hey, if love is not shown the way it should be in a normal, healthy way, I don’t have to stay there.
I love that. And lastly, what advice would you share for other women who may have children and not be in the healthiest situations but feel like they need to stay there?
Your children are smarter than you think they are. And they feel more than you think they feel. They feel the tension, they hear the arguments, they see the tears roll down your face. Do they deserve that? That’s for you to decide. Do they deserve to think that this is what normalcy is? Do they deserve to think that, oh, this is what love is? We have to put ourselves in a place, like I said, where we’re not raising children who will become traumatized adults.
