It can feel as though the odds are stacked against finding a partner, which is perhaps why women are doing such a good job of building lives without one. Matthews continues, “When those moments come up, I ask myself ‘What if I had everything I needed?’ I think the mind can get so stuck on what it thinks it doesn’t have. I have to actively remind myself of all the brilliant people I’m connected to, the relationships I can nurture and the creative ways I find to solve challenges or problems.” In order to meet more women like herself, she’s joined a book club and hosted networking events — “social fulfilment” has been helpful, which Hoan says single women generally do better to cultivate than single men. Even if building new social circles is intimidating, we only need to scroll on TikTok to see other women living their “best lives” to remember that we aren’t alone. When you type “single” into the search bar on the app, some of the top searches are “single in your 30s”, “single in your 20s”, and “single life humor”. One TikTok user, Heidi Clements, known for documenting her life as a single woman in her 60s, recently shared in a video: “I wish I could experience a true partnership with someone.” No one watching her videos would doubt how interesting the life she has built is, or how radically appreciative she is of her singlehood. Clements’ vulnerability goes to show that just because part of you is craving something else, it doesn’t mean that your single life is flat or failing. We can be so hard on ourselves when things don’t fall into absolutes.
