Cuffing season is upon us, and so is seasonal depression.
According to licensed psychotherapist Janet Dove, addressing “loneliness” can be difficult as it is not one-dimensional. She believes that seasonal changes have an impact on mood, causing things like seasonal depression (SAD) that can also impact how lonely one feels. “Those who live in areas that face drastic temperature shifts may feel lonely. For example, during the summer, people in Nevada and Arizona experience 113° + degree days for over 100 days with unusual humidity,” Dove states.
She believes that extreme weather causes people to retreat and stay inside. Those living at home alone can experience immense feelings of loneliness, taking us back to the pandemic when we had to isolate and shelter in place. Conversely, colder weather often drives people indoors, reducing social interactions. Additionally, seasonal affective disorder (SAD) can impact mood, leading to feelings of isolation.
ESSENCE: Do you think a temperature change contributes to a rise in loneliness?
Janet Dove: Absolutely, temperature dips can contribute to increasing loneliness. From a clinical perspective, a few things come to mind to explain this. As the cooler months of fall and winter approach, the days become shorter, leading to less natural sunlight. This reduction is significant because sunlight is essential for mental and emotional health. Sunlight provides us with vitamin D and plays a crucial role in regulating the production of serotonin and dopamine, two key neurotransmitters.
These neurotransmitters are essential for enhancing mood and reducing depression and anxiety levels. A lack of sufficient sunlight can decrease these “happy chemicals,” making individuals more prone to sadness or loneliness. During the fall and winter, this issue often takes the form of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Symptoms of SAD include but are not limited to loss of interest in formerly enjoyed activities, social withdrawal or isolation, heightened sensitivity to rejection, feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, and increased irritability.
In addition to the biochemical shift, colder temperatures often discourage people from spending time outdoors. Less time outdoors may indicate more time indoors in isolation. Social isolation is a breeding ground for loneliness, and this sudden drop in social engagement can leave one feeling disconnected and depressed.
Lastly, two of our biggest holidays occur during the colder months. While Thanksgiving and Christmas may bring holiday cheer for some, many of my clients find these celebrations emotionally charged and exhausting, often exacerbating feelings of loneliness and inadequacy. Complicated dynamics between family members, unmet expectations, and unresolved conflicts may amplify seasonal symptoms during this time of year. As a result, some may retreat to isolation in an attempt to avoid additional stress, anxiety, and depression that may accompany this season.
This time of year is infamously known as “Cuffing season”—or the rise in people seeking companionship during colder months. And while finding your perfect cuffing partner may help ward off those seasonal blues, it’s not the only solution. Here are a few additional approaches to consider from Dove, Ashley McGirt and Meagan Watson:
- Connect with Others: Reach out to friends or family through calls, texts, or video chats. Plan regular catch-ups.
- Join Groups or Clubs: Engage in local community events, clubs, or online groups that share your interests.
- Volunteer: Helping others can create a sense of connection and purpose.
- Practice Self-Care: Engage in activities that promote well-being, like exercise, hobbies, or mindfulness.
- Seek Professional Help: Consider talking to a therapist or counselor if loneliness feels overwhelming.
- Stay Active: Regular physical activity can boost mood and energy, making social interactions easier.
- Explore New Interests: Learning something new can connect you with like-minded individuals.
- Prioritize connection and seek spaces of belonging. Ask yourself: With whom do I feel most safe? What contributes to my sense of connection within? What environments, people, activities, and communities make me feel I belong? Focus on scheduling time with people, planning activities, and seeking out communities that nurture connection and belonging during the colder months. When we seek out people, places, and spaces where connection and belonging exist, it’s easier to prioritize and remember (especially during times of loneliness) the environments that already nourish and support us.
- Remind yourself that loneliness is a natural part of the human experience: We are designed to feel and process loss and loneliness. To experience the full spectrum of feeling, we need to create space for all we think without pressure to change or eliminate it immediately. As the months get colder and holiday seasons approach, it’s easy to see all the things you don’t have in your life vs the ones you do. Building a self-compassion-focused gratitude practice that helps you see loneliness as an average human experience can be a grounding practice. You don’t need to reframe your loneliness into gratitude or suppress it in favor of self-compassion. Instead, allow loneliness to exist alongside what you are grateful for and the practices that offer you compassionate room to feel what you feel.
- Engage in group activities that distract and contribute: Volunteering, hobbies, group exercise, group therapy, etc., are all great examples of activities that temporarily distract you from the sensations and feelings associated with loneliness. Some activities, like community volunteering and group therapy, allow you to hold space for other people’s feelings, make a valuable contribution to the lives of others, and feel supported as you support others. Mindfulness around how long and often you are distracted away from loneliness is vital. Watching a comfort show or FaceTiming your best friend who lives an ocean away might relieve feelings at the moment, but you will likely not get rid of them altogether. Commit to returning to the feelings of loneliness when they re-emerge, and examine them with intentional care and compassion for yourself in the process. If it feels challenging to do this, contact a professional to help you sort through the complex emotions you might be experiencing.
