Here’s How To Navigate Toxicity From Your Former Partner When You’re Done With The Relationship
Although Cardi B and her ex Offset had many ups and downs throughout their relationship, the Grammy-award-winning rapper has finally decided she’s done with her marriage. We previously reported that she filed for divorce. Recently, she and Offset had a blowout argument on social media, as the former Migos member accused Cardi of sleeping with someone else. At the same time, she was pregnant, later mentioning that “he won” because she is his “baby momma,” causing the internet to be ablaze with opinions and outrage.
Many Black women recognized this behavior as, at times, some experience their significant others trying to intentionally sabotage their progress or leverage their success to uplift themselves. However, I still wondered if their entire argument could have been avoided. And if Cardi B did cheat, was it justified, as some people argued online? So, I decided to tap two relationship experts, Damona Hoffman, and Nikquan Lewis, to understand how to navigate challenging interactions with your ex.
According to Hoffman, the successful entertainer is giving us a masterclass on how not to break up. “Cardi B is giving us a master class on how not to break up right now. First, I would say, do not try to solve the issue in the court of public opinion. The gory details of their breakup and cheating rumors should not be aired on social media, especially when they have kids together who are going to have to read all of that one day. There’s no reason to publicly post the details of the breakup on social media or share it wide with all of your family and friends. It might feel like payback, but ultimately, you’re only hurting yourself,” she states.
Instead of airing out your dirty laundry on social media, she suggests tapping into the art of silence. “I recommend ceasing communication for a time. This is tricky when you have children together or assets to sort out, so try to find an intermediary if you have a situation like that. Otherwise, it’s easier to heal when you’re not conversing with your ex until you’ve taken time to process your feelings. It’s very common to slip back into the old patterns when you start connecting again if you haven’t done your work, and in the case of Cardi B and Offset, this kind of blow-up followed by an on-again-off-again dynamic is nothing new,” Hoffman says.
Lewis and Hoffman believe it’s best not to take hurtful comments from an ex personally. “Hurtful comments are often a toxic ex’s last attempt to regain control or power in a situation they no longer have a say in. This often is not a new behavior and has happened during the relationship. It can hit differently when you’re done and want to move on, as this is a time of vulnerability, especially if you’re moving on because you know you need to, but a part of you doesn’t want to. It’s imperative to recognize that these comments are not a reflection of you—they’re projections of their pain, insecurity, and unresolved trauma. While clapping back can be satisfying, your power lies in responding and not reacting. Choose emotional distance over arguing,” Lewis states.
Now, it’s time to address the elephant in the room. Is it ever socially acceptable to cheat back? Hoffman says, “I don’t think it offers any resolution for the relationship. As Cardi B has said publicly, they need to work on communication. Communication should always happen before action.” Lewis agrees, “Cheating back doesn’t restore your dignity, make the situation any less painful, nor does it erase the relational trauma you’ve experienced; it only compounds the emotional damage. The moment you decide that your partner’s toxic behavior no longer defines you or your actions, you reclaim your power. True power comes from choosing to live intentionally, not reactively.”
She continues, “Moving forward, your goal should be to honor yourself by identifying your values, principles, morals, and relationship standards, which should dictate how we move. Once you’ve done so, if you value characteristics such as growth, respect, and integrity, these should influence your decision-making, which dictates whether cheating back is acceptable. It is important to make choices that align with who you strive to be—not who you were when you were with that person and not in moments where feelings such as hurt are making the decisions.”
According to Lewis, “Navigating a breakup is hard enough, but when you’re dealing with a toxic partner/relationship, the emotional weight can feel unbearable, not to mention the relational trauma that often continues to impact those involved. When you’ve decided that you’re done with the relationship, the key to protecting your peace is setting clear, direct, and intentional boundaries—not just for your now ex, but for yourself. That means choosing to heal over having the last word, reacting when oppressed, and getting your “lick back.”
Lewis suggests focusing on what’s best for you instead of getting revenge. “Instead, you should focus on what you need to do to move forward with the understanding that just because it’s what’s best does not mean it is easy. This can be a very challenging process and requires determination, self-love, support, and a lot of self-control,” she states.
Additional Ways To Navigate A Tough Breakup With A Toxic Partner According to Lewis:
Be intentional: Breaking away from toxicity requires intentionality. This process includes leaving physically and creating space emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. This is where your clear and direct boundaries come into play with your ex and taking action to limit their access to you. This could include unfollowing/blocking them on social media or your phone and informing friends of your boundaries so they understand how to support you during this time. This process will likely require you to stretch by not reacting to what you see online, having only necessary communication, and standing firm on the boundaries you establish for yourself and your ex. If the toxicity and hurtful comments cross over to harassment/defaming, utilize your legal resources and let folks know to play with somebody else.
Center your healing: Focus on healing by telling yourself positive affirmations, reminding yourself of your worth, and diving deep into self-love practices. Surround yourself with the people who value you and invest in the things that bring you joy, healing, and growth. Take it one day at a time, knowing that each step away from toxicity is a step closer to your true, pleasure-centered life. Most importantly, remember that healing isn’t linear—it’s often messy and all over the place, but it’s worth it. Honor your progress and always choose peace over chaos.
Ending a toxic relationship means that this is your time to rewrite your narrative, one that’s filled with intention, self-respect, and healing. You deserve the space to create a relationship that aligns with the love and respect you’ve always desired—starting with your relationship with yourself.
